Love on hold: Why young East Asians are turning away from dating

Jeong Min-gi, a 25-year-old preparing for the state examination to become a teacher, has not actively sought a relationship for the past few years. Friends and acquaintances have tried to set him up on blind dates several times, but he has turned them all down.

“I don’t feel ready for a relationship,” Jeong said. “I think many people around me feel the same way. They are either too busy to date or are content living on their own.”

Jeong said his sister has also chosen not to pursue romantic relationships, saying she feels no particular urgency to date.

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“We talk about relationships sometimes,” he said. “She says she would rather spend the money she worked hard to earn on buying things she likes and eating what she wants than on dating.”

Across East Asia, growing numbers of young people appear to be turning away from dating. But while South Korea, Japan and China all report unusually high shares of young adults who have never dated or say they have little interest in romance, the forces driving the retreat differ sharply from country to country.

In Korea, economic insecurity has often been cited as keeping many out of the dating market. Japanese young adults report that remaining single has become increasingly accepted as a lifestyle amid decades of economic stagnation. In China, housing, income and financial stability remain powerful prerequisites for entering a relationship.

Local media outlet Weekly Kyunghyang’s analysis of survey data from more than 8,000 respondents across five countries — China, Japan, South Korea, Spain and the United States — suggests that East Asia’s dating decline is not an isolated phenomenon, but a set of distinct social trends.

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Korea: Dating loses its appeal

Among unmarried Koreans in their 20s, 27.5 percent said they had never dated, the second-highest share among the five countries surveyed, behind Japan.

More striking was the lack of interest in dating itself.

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Among unmarried Korean adults aged 18-39, 55.4 percent said they were not interested in romantic relationships — the highest proportion among the countries surveyed. Among women, the figure climbed to 60.8 percent.

Interviews suggest that for some, employment and financial instability remain major barriers.

“I’m preparing for employment,” said Jeong. “Because life is so busy, dating moves down the list of priorities.”

Jeong’s reasoning mirrored the survey results. Among young Korean adults with no dating experience, 38.5 percent were unemployed, compared with 12.9 percent of those who had dated before, according to the survey.

This shift away from romantic relationships under growing economic pressures has been present since the early 2010s. In 2011, young Korean adults were called the “sam-po” generation, referring to the fact that they had forgone three life milestones: dating, marriage and raising children.

Harsher economic conditions, including rising housing prices and a stagnating job market, pushed young adults to give up on more things.

The recent study points to similar trends.

Young adults in the lower 25 percent income bracket were the least interested in dating at 66.2 percent. The proportion almost halved to 37.5 percent when looking at the top 25 percent.

The survey showed that those who said they were uninterested in dating also perceived themselves as having less economic power.

“I would like to date, but honestly it is difficult when taking my income into account and the fact that I have to provide for my family,” said 27-year-old Hwang, who works a part-time job to support his parents.

Japan: Learning to live alone

Japan recorded the highest proportion of young adults who had never dated, at 41.7 percent.

But unlike in Korea, interviewees repeatedly described single life not as a failure or temporary condition, but as an increasingly ordinary way to live under changed economic and social expectations.

The trend has unfolded against the backdrop of Japan’s decades of economic stagnation and the emergence of the so-called satori sedai. This “enlightened generation” is often characterized as having scaled back the material ambitions of their parents’ generation to pursue modest, attainable forms of satisfaction.

With weaker expectations of rising incomes and material advancement, interviewees suggested that dating, too, has increasingly come to be viewed as optional rather than an essential part of adulthood.

“I think I’d date more actively if my income were stable,” a 25-year-old Japanese graduate student said.

“But in Japan, there’s also a feeling that you should find someone at your own income level.”

Another 24-year-old student at Waseda University said he was satisfied with his life despite being single.

“I think being free of the responsibilities that come with dating actually gives me less stress,” he said.

China: Romance has a price tag

In China, material conditions appeared to matter more than anywhere else.

Among respondents with dating experience, 47.5 percent owned a home, compared with only 22.7 percent of those who had never dated.

The findings reflect the persistence of “youfang youche” — literally, “having a house and a car” — and the expectation that men should achieve a certain level of material security before marriage.

“When people meet through matchmaking, family background and income matter enormously,” Wang Haoyu, a 30-year-old office worker in Shanghai, told local media.

“I completely understand being judged on my financial circumstances.”

Long working hours only compound the problem.

“I work overtime almost every day,” he said. “By the time I get home, all I want to do is look at my phone and sleep.” /dl