Geez, it’s chockers on the Celebrity High Horse bus these days.
Bec Judd’s aboard, sorting Victoria’s crime crisis via Insta and reviewing new premier Ben Carroll with a T-shirt-worthy line: “Same shit. Different face.” Hughesy’s spitting chips about whatever’s annoying him. Karl Stefanovic’s up the back, geeing on the gang.
And now Chris Judd’s burst from the pack with the commitment he had playing AFL, gripped the wheel and is teeing off at the PM over the PA. Next stop, Canberra!
For those too busy doing the census to notice, the Brownlow medallist lined up the government on News24 (formerly Sky). He christened the PM “Comrade Albo” and rattled through colourful claims including that the thinking behind Labor’s housing reforms is “moronic” and the government is “spending at a completely reckless pace”.
He didn’t drill down on the reckless bit, lest it interrupt his narrative flow. But he was bang on describing our superannuation – ripe for plundering, reckons Juddy – as “just a huge pool of money”. Yep. It is that. Good spotting.
Now. Judd is a taxpaying citizen entitled to have and air his opinions. He’s no dill. Anyone who’s heard him talk footy knows the man thinks in paragraphs. And on Victoria, he and Bec aren’t wrong to be filthy. The spending and hubris here have been wasteful verging on criminal.
But what everyone on the bus has in common is nobody is saying anything designed to fix anything. It’s all rage bait. And there’s something magnificently lacking in awareness about a critique of the political bubble delivered from the rich bubble.
Because for mine, it’s odd when the wealthy rail about housing when they already own the house. Or many houses.
Juddy went from the AFL bubble, where your biggest exposure to the housing market is choosing which bayside street to buy in, into the funds management bubble. He now opines from a Spanish Colonial-style joint bought in 2019 for $7.3 million in Brighton (before the reno) with pool, tennis court, “moody” bar and personalised laundry lockers for each Judd.
When he warns crunching property prices will hurt ordinary people’s ability to service a mortgage, I believe he believes it. I’m just not sure he’s ever had to believe it the hard way, at an auction in Tarneit with a deposit scraped together over nine years.
The first-home buyers this “moronic” policy is aimed at might reasonably ask, is it though?
Much of Juddy’s heartache was for small business owners and entrepreneurs, who he reckons will up stumps for Singapore if the tax tinkering continues. Maybe they will. But that’s the thing about the view from the bus: the sympathy always flows to the people with options.
Entrepreneurs can decamp to Singapore. The 30-somethings giving up, say, eating, to buy their first place can’t decamp anywhere.
The Celebrity High Horse bus is lucky we love handing famous people a microphone and treating their thoughts as analysis. Meanwhile, actual economists who’ve spent 30 years on housing policy get four seconds on the news.
Juddy said he’s “sympathetic to the view that property prices can’t go up forever”. Terrific. But every actual mechanism for making houses cheaper gets the two thumbs down from our celebrity bus ticket holders, who are thingy about their portfolios and tax structures.
It’s the property debate’s version of thoughts and prayers.
Speaking of thoughts, here’s one for our mates on the bus. If you genuinely believe you could run the country better, and your confidence suggests you do, there’s a way you can.
It’s called nominating for parliament. Preselection’s open to all! Put the mansion in a blind trust, cop the pay cut to a backbencher’s salary, sit through Senate estimates and show us how it’s done.
Funny how nobody ever wants that seat. Yelling from the bus is free. Governing costs something.
The point isn’t that Chris Judd and the gang should shut up. The government deserves a whack on plenty. But perhaps the rich and famous could acknowledge their own bubble before bursting everyone else’s.
The fun part? Having “losing touch” explained to us by a bloke whose biggest housing stress was that time his garage was too small for the Range Rover.
Kate Halfpenny is an author and the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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