Whether the hand dryer actually dries your hands or just warms them, lulling you into a false sense of security before your next handshake.

And perhaps the biggest category of all. Confidence in the door lock.

Nobody wants to spend an entire visit wondering whether the lock is actually engaged or whether someone is about to become part of the experience.

I even started thinking about the rating system.

Forget stars. Toilet rolls.

For example, the Hundertwasser Public Toilets are five toilet rolls out of five.

Mind you, history suggests I have a habit of inventing things that already exist.

I was quite proud of my idea for a long-distance voice transmission device until I discovered Alexander Graham Bell had beaten me to it by about 150 years. And I have a feeling there might already be a public toilet app.

But one setback didn’t stop Thomas Edison, and it won’t stop me.

My next idea was becoming a professional queue stander.

And before you get a mental image of me sitting in front of one of those old CRT televisions the size of a Suzuki Swift, who is angry about everything. I watch for the articles.

Although I suspect I still possess many of the characteristics associated with a cliche 1News viewer.

And I do occasionally mutter, “That wasn’t like that in my day”, while adjusting my slippers.

But back to the news. Being an election year, politicians seem to be announcing something almost daily.

They used to say politicians would turn up to the opening of an envelope.

That probably needs updating to they’d happily attend the opening of an email.

Especially if the subject line read, “Important attachment for review”.

That managed to get half the country’s IT departments breaking out in a nervous “Don’t click on the attachment” sweat.

But it wasn’t the politicians who caught my attention.

A carefully positioned group of supporters smiling, nodding and looking completely convinced that whatever has just been announced is the greatest idea since sliced bread or, if the announcement is about a subsidy on sliced bread, the greatest thing since bread.

And that’s when inspiration struck.

I could become a Political Bobble Head (trademark pending).

For one competitive hourly rate, I’d stand behind absolutely anybody.

Government.

Opposition.

Local council.

The committee organising the church sausage sizzle.

If someone is standing behind a lectern, I’m available.

Now you may think, what qualification does this man have for such a role?

Well, if anyone has seen the enthusiasm I show during a Zoom call, they would appreciate that I can look interested in absolutely anything.

And as if it were a master’s degree in Zoom calls, I have also been known to take my mic off mute and add a heartfelt, “Absolutely”.

Maybe even a, “That’s a really good point”.

But like a great value set of steak knives, wait, there is more ... my business model would actually save taxpayers money.

Instead of every political party having to round up a different group of supporters every time they announce funding for a cycleway, a health initiative or a new bridge, and pay them, they could simply hire me.

I’d just rotate through a collection of disguises.

For an additional fee, they’ll rhyme ... unless you’re protesting against the colour orange (you know why).

So there you go. That is my bit on the side, so if I’m back here writing another column next Sunday, there’s every chance they’ve gone the same way as my previous entrepreneurial masterpieces.

FAXbook.

FAXTime.

And the business networking platform FAXIn.

And if I am not here next week, look out for me in the background of a pre-election political announcement.