Some people are fans of the Vikings. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Vikings. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Minnesota Vikings, the winningest team to never win a Super Bowl. What an honor! King of the paupers! The widely respected Bills and Bengals have tried their best, but have failed in their quest to lose more Super Bowls than the mighty Vikings. The Lions and Jaguars WISH they had Minnesota's history of being moderately competitive! Bow down, O Titans and Browns! The Vikings are here to teach ye the ways of modest regular season success and embarrassing playoff implosion.

Your 2025 record: The most moribund, limp-dicked 9-8 in the short history of 17-game seasons. Big-time ass. Stinky.

I'll elaborate. Following a 14-3 mark in 2024 helmed by a surprising breakout season from Sam Darnold, the Vikings let Darnold walk in free agency. (Daniel Jones, who spent most of 2024 on the Vikes' practice squad, also left in free agency because the Colts offered a clearer path to a starting job.) While some analysts thought it would be wise to retain the Pro Bowler with the franchise tag, the Vikings decided that that money would be better spent bringing in free-agent talent to support redshirt rookie J.J. McCarthy, the top-10 pick who had been competing for the starting job in 2024 when a knee injury ended his season before it began. The Vikings were in win-now mode, all-in with a QB on a rookie contract. So, how’d that go? 

It went OK for a week. In Minnesota's Monday-night season opener, McCarthy was awful for three quarters against a Bears defense that would finish the season 25th in DVOA, then led three touchdown drives in the fourth quarter that powered a Vikings comeback win. He finished 13-of-20 for 143 yards, two passing touchdowns, an interception, and a rushing touchdown, and won NFC Offensive Player of the Week, presumably because whoever decides this slept through all of the Sunday games and most of Monday Night Football.

The next week, the juggernaut Falcons (snicker) came to town; McCarthy threw two interceptions, fumbled three times, and picked up a high ankle sprain that would keep him out of the lineup for the next six weeks as the Vikings shat the bed 22-6. A statement victory for Michael Penix! 

Carson Wentz started the next five games for the Vikings, which in any normal Hater's Guide would be the first two paragraphs of derision. "These assholes not only signed Carson Wentz, they started him for five games!" It's like dropping a story about a guy who shot himself in the dick down to the footnotes because he also blew his head off with illegal fireworks. I'm doing shame triage over here.

Anyway, the Vikings lost six out of seven coming out of their Week 6 bye, and that was it for the season. That string of games included Wentz's shoulder falling off because he is physically incapable of sensing pressure; McCarthy returning for four games and getting progressively worse with each start (the last, a 23-6 loss to Green Bay: 12-of-19 for 87 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs, 1 fumble, 5 sacks) before getting a concussion; and poor Max Brosmer making his first career start against a merciless Seahawks defense that picked off the undrafted rookie four times in Minnesota's first shutout loss since 2007. (Don't ask who played quarterback for Seattle that day.) That swoon brought the Vikings to 4-8, and they were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs before they climbed to 6-8.

On the off chance some idiot Vikings fan tries to sell you on the five-game winning streak that ended their season (McCarthy played two good games!), may I refer you to Brosmer’s Wikipedia page:

In his second career start, Brosmer made history as the only quarterback in the Super Bowl era to throw fewer than 70 passing yards, be sacked seven or more times, and still win the game.

Congrats? Brosmer got that second start because McCarthy missed his seventh game of the season with a third injury. Yes, the Vikings won their final five games thanks to their defense (and the Packers resting their stars in a meaningless Week 18 game), but don't let anyone burnish this turd. Justin Jefferson started all 17 games last year and scored two touchdowns. The 2025 Vikings were a crime against football.

Your coach: Kevin "I believe organizations fail young quarterbacks before young quarterbacks fail organizations" O’Connell.

LOL. J.J. McCarthy should get that quote tattooed on his chest when he signs with the 49ers to rehab his career with an actual quarterback whisperer.

O'Connell is about what you can expect from someone who came from Sean McVay's coaching tree: A good play caller, white, and blandly attractive in an unblinking, smooth-groined Ken doll sort of way, with a jaw on a mission to grind molars into flour. He won Coach of the Year honors after Darnold's year under center; he also went 13-4 in 2022 with a negative point differential, a season-long statistical aberration so offensive to the football gods that the bubble popped with a Wild Card loss to the Giants. Under Brian Daboll! Brian Daboll couldn't beat a Chinese finger trap. 

Outside of those two years, the Vikings are 16-18 under O'Connell. He seems fine as a quarterback-developing, offensive-minded head coach … as long as you don't need him to win a playoff game, or develop a young quarterback, or accept any fault for failing to develop a young quarterback.

Defensive coordinator Brian Flores is the best coach on the roster and the primary reason the Vikings weren't 5-12 last season. Flores's blitz-happy defense was third in DVOA, behind only the Seahawks' Dark Side and the Texans' historic array of heat-seeking mutants. Flores deserves to be a head coach somewhere, but he's suing the NFL for discrimination regarding his last head coaching job (and ensuing job search). I mean, what are NFL owners supposed to do—hire the best candidate regardless of race? AND treat Black employees equally? Sheesh, sounds like a headache. There's gotta be another LaFleur brother around here somewhere.

I am compelled to alert you to the existence of outside linebackers coach Thad Bogardus.

A new species of coach! We call it Thaddeus bogardus.

Your quarterback: Ladies and gentlemen and Vikings fans, gird your loins for the signing of the off-season, it's … NOT J.J. McCARTHY!!!

This is your savior, Minnesota. Arizona drafted Kyler Murray first overall, gave him an extension, and by the middle of Year 7 they hated him so much they went all-in on human white flag Jacoby Brissett. The Cardinals were so disgusted by Murray's presence that they cut him outright, eating a $54.7 million dead cap hit instead letting him rehabilitate under shiny new McVaybot Mike LaFleur. And honestly? The Cardinals should hate him! They drafted Marvin Harrison Jr. fourth overall to give Murray an elite weapon and watched as Murray turned the greatest WR prospect since Randy Moss into Romeo Doubs. But hey, at least Trey McBride got 600 targets a year.

This is a poverty signing. The Vikings have a bad cap situation (despite going all-in with a QB on a rookie contract last year—great work from the front office!), and Murray was available for a mere $1.3 million. Even I must admit it: This a GREAT deal for an average-ish quarterback.

Look, if you’re broke and don't own a car, and someone offers you a 2011 Honda Civic with 122,000 miles on it for 800 bucks, you may as well have won the lottery. It's an OK car! Not very big, but roomy enough if you only need to drive one passenger (Justin Jefferson). Yeah, it's a little beat up (do NOT look at the Carfax), but what do you expect? Arizona is hell on cars. And maybe, with enough effort and imagination, you could turn that Civic into a legit street racer. You just need the right mechanic…

Vike Diesel, thanks.

Now THAT'S a car that can get you from Point A to Point B (a loss in the Wild Card round).

Although the Vikings constructed a fake circus that made it look like J.J. McCarthy was competing to be the starter, Murray "winning" the job has produced a second round of fake bullshit about McCarthy "having a future" with the franchise. Who do these dumbshits think they're fooling. No one wants J.J. McCarthy, and everyone knows the Vikings are at the top of that list. I keep hearing media speculation that McCarthy will be traded. To whom? For what? Maybe the Hamilton Tiger-Cats can get him for a bag of milk.

Last season, after three career starts, McCarthy revealed that he'd given himself a nickname for his game-day persona.

On the field, though, McCarthy has shown that there is another side of him that takes over. A warrior. A demon. A man on a mission who will do anything and everything possible to win a football game. Defenses fear him. This persona will keep going until every opponent before him falls to their knees in defeat. [...]

"My fiancée, she definitely doesn't like it when Nine comes home," he said.

JAMES LIPTON: Am I speaking to Nine now?

J.J. McCARTHY (eyes rolling back in head, followed by intense stare): Nine is LOCKED IN. Nine isn't going to make a quick throw just because the defense is blitzing. Nine will do ANYTHING to win a football game, except complete 20 passes. Nine is here to do two things: chew bubblegum, and shit his pants when the first read is covered. And Nine is all out of bubblegum. 

We are NOT done with this garbage QB room! The Vikes also re-signed Carson Wentz to another one-year deal. Incredible. Last year Wentz became the first quarterback in history to start a game for six different teams in six consecutive years, and the Vikings were like, "Those first five teams were WRONG." Wentz has the internal clock of MacGruber and the fashion sense of Tommy DeVito's agent on a hunting trip. I just KNOW that Fox is gonna hire him as an analyst the day he retires. I know it in my bones.

Oh my GOD Max Brosmer is still here. He must have gotten into the walls during the offseason.

But quietly, another quarterback is making sure his name isn't forgotten. Max Brosmer may not be leading the headlines, but he's earning respect the old-fashioned way. The second-year man out of the University of Minnesota is proving he has the work ethic to remain in this league and potentially stick around with the Vikings.

Throughout the first week of training camp, Brosmer has consistently been the first quarterback to step onto the practice field and the last one to leave … While the battle for the starting job is dominating conversations, Brosmer has embraced the role of proving himself every single day rather than worrying about where he sits on the depth chart.

He's not worried about where he sits on the depth chart because he's LAST. He's showing up early because that's the only way he can get on the field! I swear, if this try-hard falls into the talentless-quarterback-to-offensive-coach pipeline, just beat me to death with Fred Smoot's dildo.

What's new that sucks: Nolan Teasley, who has only ever worked with the Seahawks under John Schneider, is your new GM. It's a testament to the Vikings' dysfunction that I'm roughly 20 paragraphs into writing about these chuds and only now getting to the saga of Kwesi Adofo-Mensah's ouster. Adofo-Mensah surely earned his pink slip; as a drafter, he was somewhere between mediocre and outright bad. No one would blink at a GM getting the ax for a season-ruining decision like the Darnold/McCarthy gaffe, which is what made the anonymous pile-ons after the fact so gratuitous and ugly. 

You see, Adofo-Mensah simply wasn't a FOOTBALL GUY. He was from Wall Street. He was SOFT. He did things like work from home after the birth of his child. Once Adofo-Mensah got the hook, everyone who kept their job in Eagan had something to say about the guy—as long as their name wouldn't be printed. Pathetic. An entire workplace of Nextdoor Karens—but what else would you expect in Lutheran country? The whole religion was built on leaving pissy notes. You can read about the whole messy affair at Purple Insider if you’re the kind of person who slows down to look at a car wreck (I definitely am).

The star of that PI exposé is undoubtedly Rob Brzezinski, the Executive Vice President of Football Operations who served as interim GM before Teasley's hiring. Last preseason, with the Vikings shorthanded in the wide-receiver room due to injury and suspension, they reached out to the Panthers about a deal to bring Adam Thielen back to Minnesota. The Panthers, drunk with power or just sensing desperation, quoted a price too high for Adofo-Mensah. Rather than signing literally any other wide receiver to get them through the first three weeks of the season, Brzezinski went behind his boss's back to close a deal that sent a fourth-rounder (plus some exchange of chaff) to the Panthers for Thielen. 4D chess, sir! More recently, Brzezinski was in charge of the Vikings' draft that was ranked fourth-worst by a wide array of NFL media, which will somehow get pinned on Teasley if the class doesn’t pan out. There are fewer knives in the Roman senate than the Vikings front office.

About that draft: Defensive tackles Caleb Banks (first round) and Domonique Orange (third round) composed the centerpiece of the rookie class, and they'll step in for the departed Jonathan Allen and Javon Hargrave—assuming Banks is able to step at all. The massive (and massively talented) Florida product broke his foot last season and then again during the scouting combine. Most draftniks pegged Banks to go no higher than the middle of the second round, but it's actually fine when 330-pound guys repeatedly break bones in their feet. It's fine! 

Brzezinski also traded defensive captain Jonathan Greenard to the Eagles for two third-round picks, because Howie Roseman is famously an easy-to-fleece sucker. Don't worry, though! One of those picks, the 98th of the draft, was used on the fourth-best available safety. These are the kinds of decisions you trust Brzezinski to make because you didn't give your organization enough time to hire a new GM. I SAID IT'S FINE. Brezinski proved his worth when he undercut his boss to swap a fourth-rounder for 35-year-old Adam Thielen, OK? I'd like to see YOU acquire a wide receiver who can get eight catches in 11 games before asking to be released.

Besides signing the NFL's preeminent Call of Duty enthusiast to play quarterback, the Vikings added WR Jauan Jennings, which is probably an upgrade from the departed Jalen Nailor, though I personally wouldn't shop at Kyle Shanahan's Wide Receiver Lemon Lot. Jennings's one-year, $8 million deal was the biggest contract the Vikings gave out by APY; they also inked CB James Pierre to a two-year, $8.5 million deal. And they added Jamal Adams, who I'm not even going to say mean shit about because he played 12 preseason snaps before his knee went kerplooey. I'll bet you an Adrian Peterson belt-whipping that the Vikings are already warming up the corpse of 37-year-old Harrison Smith, who was released in June.

What has always sucked: Before construction of the Vikings stadium began, conservationists pointed out that the reflective glass structure would be an abattoir for migratory birds and suggested relatively inexpensive fixes that wouldn't change the architectural appeal. The Vikings were like "Fuck birds." I hope an eagle shits in Zygi Wilf's mouth.

Wilf isn't the worst demon in the vampiric oligarchy of NFL owners, which is the kindest thing I can say about someone who belongs on a bullet train to hell. Wilf and his brother, Mark, fought a lawsuit for 21 years before a judge ruled that they'd "violated civil state racketeering laws and used fraudulent bookkeeping practices to keep two other business partners from receiving their fair share of revenues."

In her comments to the newspaper, [Judge Deanne] Wilson said Zygi Wilf's "candid and credible" testimony showed "bad faith and evil motive" in the family's business dealings.

A judge awarded the plaintiffs $84.5 million; the Wilfs spent another five years fighting to get that total reduced (they did, down to $32 million). Cool. Zygi also owns Orlando City of MLS, so maybe he just has a fetish for purple things that suck. He can get fucked by Grimace.

And now let's all address the elephant absent from the room: Defector's beloved blowhard and Viking fan Drew Magary, who established this remarkable temple of hate but only ever served it to fans of 31 teams.

I say this as Drew's friend, his former co-worker, and someone who has loved him for 20 years: He should not be allowed to write about the Vikings, period. Letting Drew write Hater's Guides about his favorite team is like the part in a job interview when they ask you about your biggest weakness. The thing about Vikings fans is, they're TOO nice!

Here's Drew in the 2025 edition:

I too have fully bought into the kid [McCarthy]. I love his arm talent. I love that he can throw on the run. I love the hint of moxie he gives off in press conferences. And I love what I’ve heard about the kid all through training camp. [...]

I am so fucking hyped for this updated roster. [...]

We've got the roster, the coaches, the owners, the training staff, and the front office all working in sync together. That's no delusion. Ask around.

I asked around and everyone said "WOOF."

Here's 2024:

[T]he Vikings did everything I hoped they'd do this offseason, which never happens. I legit do not mind if we go 6-11 this season (I totally mind), because everything is set up for 2025 to open up a championship window that, for the first time in my fandom, will stay open longer than five months.

And lemme tell you why McCarthy will win us a Super Bowl down the road: because fate demands it.

I'm someone who gets VERY uncomfortable with cringe content, and I would rather binge-watch Nathan Fielder's TV career until my skin detaches from my body and crawls into a roaring fireplace than read another Vikings take from Rose Nylund here. Forrest Gump had a better read on Jenny.

LMAO. Fuck you, you Nordic dorks!

What might not suck: My eternal love and respect for the Minnesotans who fought (and keep fighting) ICE. Olivia Miles is the truth. Shout out to Sax-Zim Bog.

HEAR IT FROM VIKINGS FANS!

Steve:

This fucking team will never make a correct choice at QB. Darnold has the audacity to want low-end starter money after a 14-3 season? Pound sand and go win a Super Bowl elsewhere!

The interior o-line has been a trainwreck since Steve Hutchinson retired. Browns QB-room level of competence is still unreachable. Every center or guard leaves Minnesota and instantly becomes a decent starter elsewhere.

Fuck Troy Williamson still for being a top-10 pick wideout who couldn't see the ball.

Luke:

You know that meme of the cow where they have two paths to take but both paths lead to the slaughter house? That's how I feel about the quarterback situation.

Kyler will probably win it and then be great up until October 23 when the new Call of Duty comes out. But because Brian Flores is a fucking wizard, Minnesota will still be competitive and get to the playoffs where Kyler will find a way to disappear. Minnesota still re-signs him for too much money and it's the same story as his time in Arizona. Just in time for Justin Jefferson to get fed up and get traded to Kansas City or something and turn back into 2022.

The other option is J.J.'s improved (?) play to end 2025 carries over and he gets that "winner mentality" back to get Minnesota back on track and lead them in the playoffs where NINE returns in full force. Front office still feels like it's enough to keep J.J. I'm sure Kyler will then leave and somehow win MVP with the Jets or something.

Either way, this team will continue to be just good enough to never fully reset but not good enough to take the next step.

Fuck Sean Payton always and forever.

Tim:

I haven't played video games, beyond playing Switch with my 10-year-old nephew when I'm home for the holidays, in almost 20 years. I now have to commit Activision's 2026 release schedule to memory to know when to bail on my team's latest attempt at a savior QB.

Taylor:

I knew, even as the Sam Darnold season happened, that it was just a fun rental. Yea, albeit afraid of ghosts, we got to see us win 14 games. Some of which we had no business winning

Then the monkey's paw curled.You ever draft a QB so bad you lose your job?

Michael:

The Vikings play the Jets in New York this upcoming season, and the game falls on my brother-in-law's birthday. When my sister suggested our whole family should go to the game, my mom said she would never step foot in Mamdani's NYC. Didn't have the heart to tell her the games are in New Jersey.

Jesse:

It's a foregone conclusion that Kyler Murray will rediscover his mojo in Minnesota and become the feel good story of the regular season. How do I know? QB Career Resuscitation is the Vikings' oldest and most reliable trick.

In my lifetime, they've pulled this scrap-heap stunt on FIVE separate occasions, temporarily staving off their destiny as an eternal QB purgatory via the likes of Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, BRETT FUCKING FAVRE, Case Keenum, and freshly minted Super Bowl Champion Sam Darnold.

It's clockwork. No matter the coach. No matter the surrounding cast. These retreads wind up playing the best ball of their career in Minnesota, becoming fringe MVP candidates, and leading the Vikings to an unexpected playoff berth (Darnold), the divisional round (George), or, in the case of the other three, the NFC Championship Game.

In particular, the latter is where these Kirkland brand QB1 reclamation projects reveal themselves to be the result of some sadistic Scandinavian monkey's paw. Because the whiplash between how each of these seasons start (carefree "house money" mentality) and how they finish (an exit so ignominious you swear off ever rooting for this team again), feels cruel on a cosmic level.

And for all my pattern recognition, the thing that makes me the most angry is that I already know I'll readily buy into the idea that

thistime will be different by Week 8. No matter how many times this team has utterly gutted my soul, some transcendent moment (the Minneapolis Miracle, Favre to Greg Lewis, a fucking radio remix of a Will Smith song) will lure me into dropping my guard and doing the most dangerous thing a Vikings fan can do: believe. This team is the league's most reliable Siren Song, and each of us fans a perpetual mark floating on hope toward our inevitable destruction.More than any other reason, that is why this team sucks. They'll never give us the dignity of sucking overtly like say, the Browns or the Jets. No. The humiliation ritual necessitates your complete and total emotional investment. Only in the most high-stakes of moments will the Vikings show themselves to be the stupidest blue-balls–ass football team ever to grace this fucking Earth.

Murray will revert to a gourd at the worst possible moment in the NFC title game. Bet on it. He'll be immediate ass the season following, and we'll turn to a petulant McCarthy for two unpleasant seasons before trading away too much for Justin Herbert so we can start the cycle anew. Fuck me.

Baubak:

My son was 10 last year, he started to get into football a few years ago, and really wanted to go to a Vikings game last season. My wife and I were hesitant as behavior at NFL games is less than ideal for a child to experience and they are expensive, even for nosebleeds. But we decided he's been to plenty of MLB and MLS games and knows what stadium behavior is like. So, my wife takes him (shes a bigger Vikings fan than I am), and they go with his cousin and uncle. He is super excited. I watch the game on TV at home.

Did I mention it was the Bears game at home? Vikings play like crap for three quarters, then decide to try to win it. They go ahead in the literal last minute. My wife sends me a video of my son and his cousin going nuts. But the kickoff team allows a long return and the Bears kick a last-second FG to win it. My son is heartbroken, crying on the way back to the car. He gets home and I say "You got the real Vikings experience at that game: played like crap, then got your hopes up and finally they crush them." My wife laughs and says "Yep." My son finds no comfort in that, but I like to think as he gets older he will realize how right I was.

P.S. Can't wait to see how they steal the Norwegian "row" celebration just like they stole the Icelandic "Viking clap"

Robert:

A little over a decade ago, I was in a rough spot. I was living in Chicago as an underemployed telemarketer, stuck in a rotting death trap of a studio apartment and a spartan-and-depressing-even-by-bachelor-standards existence. Down on my luck but wanting another taste of the big city living I enjoyed in happier times, I started saving whatever money I could so I could catch a game at Redmond's in Wrigleyville (RIP), the only Vikings bar in the city (that I knew of).

And, as luck would have it, the Vikings had an upcoming game on Monday night. Sure, the team wasn't very good that season, but what better opportunity could there be to experience the joy of communing with my fellow hopeless knuckleheads.

And, as luck would have it, the Vikings had just lucked into an exciting new free agent who was going to turn the entire organization around!

And, as luck would have it, I ended up spending my precious, hard-earned Big Night Out money to go to Redmond's and watch Josh Freeman make his very first start for the Minnesota Vikings on the road against the New York Giants.

Two moments from the evening will stick with me forever. The first was a nearby bar patron yelling for the team to put in Daunte Culpepper. The second was the absolute venom and contempt in Jon Gruden's voice as he blasted the Vikings for playing like it was a preseason game. It was hard to argue with either of them, and if your night involves having to admit fucking Jon Gruden has a point, your night fucking sucks.

You know what the worst part is? Freeman still played better than 9 did at Lambeau last year.

Last year, I wrote in to say that all of the praise for 9's command of the huddle was a red flag. If he had any command of the huddle whatsoever, the Vikings would have made the playoffs.

Greg:

U.S.–Belgium was the first-ever Vikings playoff game to not feature the Vikings. Matt Freese and Blair Walsh have never been photographed together in public. If only there was a hard-charging, subscriber-funded sports blog outside the influence of BIG KICKING FUCKUP who could get to the bottom of this.

Fuck the development teams behind

GTA VIand the newCall of Dutygame for releasing both of them mid-season. They're not scoring a single passing TD after Indigenous Peoples Day.

Mark:

The big excitement this offseason is the QB competition between a refugee from The Lollipop Guild and TEMU Baker.

They gave up a 5th round pick so Adam Thielen could come back last year and do absolutely nothing, except whine for his release so he could go play with Aaron Rodgers, the only player in the NFL with a bigger ego. And the fanbase wants him in the ring of honor just because he's from suburban Fargo. Fuck Adam Thielen and his skank Packer-fan wife.

The new GM is named Nolan Teasley. That's a name F. Scott Fitzgerald would give to an old-money fop in one of his short stories.

So KOC was texting Russini and the scandal is that he may have said J.J. McCarthy sucks? No. I've been around long enough to know that this won't end here. Right before a big game with playoff implications, the real story will break involving KOC, Russini, furries, a pyramid scheme, and FIFA.

Ben:

Kyler Murray may be the most relatable quarterback this team has ever signed, for I, too, shall spend most Vikings games this season wishing I was playing

GTA VI.

David:

When Kevin O'Connell came to Minnesota, much was made of his eye for quarterbacks and how his job was as much to find a long-term starter as it was to coach the team. Then, in the run-up to the 2024 draft, he said he was known as the "quarterback killer" in the front office because he'd nix potential candidates in the evaluation process. But then, after Kwesi Adolfo-Mensah was shown the door, we learned he was helpless to stop the dastardly GM, who took the reins and selected J.J. McCarthy with no input from our fair-haired boy. If O'Connell was 5'8" with a weak jawline and a potbelly, they would have run him out of town by now.

Kevin O'Connell is breathlessly celebrated by various washed-up quarterbacks in the media for the complexity of his offense. It's so complex that nobody can learn it or execute it, and the team has to do stupid things like trade draft picks for the withered husk of Adam Thielen for the system to work. But instead of giving Kyler Murray every meaningful rep he can get before the season, they have to go through a quarterback competition charade just to protect J.J. McCarthy's Gen-Z feelings. The Vikings deserve their inevitable 8-9 record.

Layne:

My seven-year-old has decided to be a Packers fan and I'm honestly relieved.

Jon:

I have a friend who is a Flat-Earther. When he brings up his opinion on the Earth's lack of curvature in a group setting, it goes over better than when I tell people that I still believe J.J. McCarthy will be a good NFL quarterback.

Stephen:

I wanted to keep Darnold. I am on record in text messages with my friends as saying I want to keep Darnold. But I tried to reason to myself when we let him walk that I understood the why of it. The season ended in such a way that why wouldn't you let Darnold walk? Why would you adjust your offense when necessary to protect his flaws, while still letting him occasionally shine? That's not going to get you to a Super Bowl, right?

I wasn't mad when Seattle won the Super Bowl. I was happy for Darnold. Drew's beautiful goofy son deserved that championship. Besides, I told myself, even at that time everyone knew Kyler was coming to the purple and gold. He was even a Viking fan as a kid! It's meant to be! Fate is at play here!

That fate will likely involve a torn ACL.

I came so close to buying a McCarthy jersey. I had to talk myself out of it and just get another Jefferson jersey. Thank you to the single remaining brain cell I have that is capable of being reasonable.

Josie:

My husband and I met sitting next to each other at the Vikings' home opener in 2011 and we go back every year. The only entertaining thing that happened at the opener last year was Jared Allen riding out on a motorcycle during halftime for his HOF ceremony.

The Vikings have put me through a lot in 40+ years of fandom, but forcing me to get excited about Max Brosmer really should have been the last straw. The Josh Dobbs Experiment was more fun. We should have traded everything to the Bengals for Joe Burrow. I'll die on that hill.

Am I going to talk myself into Kyler Murray being the answer? Yes. Yes I am. I hate how much I love this stupid team. LOLSKOLsob

Bob:

Two months after the 1998 NFC Championship game, I attended the funeral of our neighbor Rod. His son delivered a wonderful eulogy.

"Dad loved watching the Vikings. Unfortunately, he never got to see them win a Super Bowl … but I doubt any of us will live long enough to see that."

He's probably right.

Shaun:

I'm pretty sure that our coach, everyone's sweetheart, the QB whisperer himself, the Good Cop to Mike Zimmer's Bad Cop, tried to get Max Brosmer killed on the field so he could get our GM fired.

Mike:

Not to be cryptic but, for the last eight years, I've professionally been on the cusp of something big. Every day, when I wake up, this professional thing could happen and every day, when I wake up, it does not.

I was asked at a conference over the weekend how I deal with this. The constant yearning and disappointment, getting so close but never getting across the line. The first thing to flash across my mind was "I'm a Minnesota Vikings fan". Always good. Always yearning. Always close. But never, ever, ever there.

Jonathan:

I have two failed long-term relationships in my life.

One ended in Paris on Christmas—which also happens to be my birthday. I would later find out that not only was she cheating on my me while studying abroad, but she was also in a relationship with the schnitzel-eating Austrian she was cheating on me with (no shade to schnitzel).

The second ended so poorly I had to try and get a restraining order after she FedEx’d me a letter (also on Christmas) in six-point font that took up an entire 8x11 piece of paper with every perceived slight that had ever happened to her. For some reason (possibly for more weight?) the package also included a rock. She also sent strangers to my parents house off of Craigslist numerous times.

Somehow neither of these relationships has caused more psychological damage to me than the Vikings … I don't need to get into it, we all know why.

Fuck Kirk Cousins with the pile of money he has made in his career, fuck Paul Allen with a race horse, but most of all FUCK ICE.

Pat:

Last year I asked my son if he wanted to watch a Vikings game with me. He said "No, Vikings games are too emotional" and went back to playing with Hot Wheels. At four years old, he has more emotional intelligence than I do.

Kevin O'Connell bragged about how he wouldn't attend the birth of one of his kids if it happened during a game and then tried to smear Kwesi for taking paternity leave. Real Dad-of-the-Year kind of guy.

J.J. McCarthy has done the impossible and made me reflect positively on Christian Ponder.

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