Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

Welcome to a new occasional section of this column — Inappropriate Theme Park Ride of the Week! The inaugural winner is Graveley Fruit Farm in Hertfordshire, England, which has just come under fire for its Titanic-themed children’s slide.

On the one hand, some 1,500 people perished when the Titanic sank into the icy waters, so the choice might be deemed somewhat inappropriate. On the other hand, what better way to prepare our children for the difficulties of life than by sitting them on a taffeta mat and sending them down a polyethylene slide decorated to look like the ship in the most famous disaster of all time? At least the slide isn’t as bad as the movie, which is so bad I was rooting for the iceberg (too soon?).