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Stella Creasy believes that JK Rowling is wrong and that a woman can have a penis.

This is a good starting point for the woke lunacy that follows and which started when the Labour MP believed that a parakeet in her local park was a lost pet and made a video trying to reunite the bird with its imaginary owner.

‘Have you lost a parrot in Walthamstow? Please share!’ she tweeted eagerly, complete with footage of Joey happily nibbling on a berry and ignoring her.

Everyone had a good laugh at Stella’s ignorance, for few Londoners are unaware that the city is host to a population of more than 50,000 feral parakeets and parrots, which established themselves here in the early 1970s and create a cheery racket in most urban parks every blessed day of the week. How can a local MP not know this?

One can only wonder what ol’ Cuttlebone Creasy is going to do next on the bird rescue front. ‘Have you lost a white swan near the Serpentine? Please share!’ she will cry, while campaigning to reunite the pigeons in Trafalgar Square with their domestic cages, packets of Trill and worried mums and dads.

All this might have been marginally diverting were it not for the Walthamstow MP’s huffy reaction to the merriment that ensued.

She deleted her much-mocked, parrot-based social media feed (it ceased to be) and replaced it with a whiny lament of staggering self- importance, claiming the Press had been mean to her and that she was worried about ‘our democracy and public life’ as a result.

Listen, St Stella of Assisi. The day we stop having a good laugh at MPs making fools of themselves in a local park is the day that democracy dies.

Stella Creasy was widely mocked for asking whether any one had lost a parakeet in London

Few Londoners are unaware that the city is host to a population of more than 50,000 parrots

Yet this touchy attitude of hers is all too typical of this new generation of me-first, double matcha, cry-baby politicians who have swooshed through the maw of Westminster in a minty, moany mouthwash of perceived hurts and elaborately assumed victimhood.

I suppose that sooner or later it had to happen; that a generation of snowflakes would grow up (almost) and drift into positions of semi-power in the British government. Forming a white-out of weakness and witlessness that does no one any favours, least of all the electorate they are supposed to serve.

And it pains me to report that most of them seem to be women.

Green Party MP Carla Denyer has not long announced she is taking some major time off because of health issues and ‘occupational burnout’. Denyer – who declares her status as a vegan Quaker – said she made the ‘difficult’ decision to take time off following advice from her doctor.

The Guardian thinks her health issues are because she ‘cares too much’, but it remains unclear if she is ill or just really fed up.

Elected as Bristol Central MP in 2024, Denyer is a long-standing local councillor who once declared the city a climate emergency zone, challenged the expansion of Bristol airport, tried to introduce congestion charges and put a levy on city-wide corporate parking while raising the top band of council tax and building more cycle lanes.

If anyone is having a nervous breakdown, surely it should be the people of Bristol.

Of course, who knows what private struggle Carla is enduring. One can only wish her a speedy recovery so she can get back to turning Bristol into a fossil fuel free, stone age backwater where everyone eats wild brambles and goes to work on a yak.

Elsewhere, Natalie Fleet has stepped down as safeguarding minister after barely two months in the job, finding the role ‘overwhelmingly triggering’ and telling everyone that it ‘was making me ill’.

The Labour MP for Bolsover was groomed and raped as a teenager and found that she could not cope with a government role which meant that ‘you hear the worst of humanity’. That is incredibly sad – but wouldn’t it have been prescient, not to mention sensible, to have thought of all this before?

W hat did Natalie think she was going to hear about? Flowers and bunnies and happy ever after?

Fleet described her resignation as ‘the bravest thing I’ve ever done’ – but with the best will in the world, is it really?

I suspect it would have been far braver to have stayed in post and used her experience as both victim and survivor to help girls and women who have similarly suffered. After all, she was in an especially illuminating position to do so.

Sadly, this was not to be. She buckled at the first emotional hurdle and seems to expect an admiring round of applause for her resignation.

Fleet was appointed to the role following the resignation of Jess Phillips MP, who at least held the position for nearly two years, even if she achieved little. She presided over a grooming gangs inquiry that collapsed into chaos and remains reluctant to blame the perpetrators of their crimes.

Phillips and Fleet. What a pair. You can have sympathy with these politicians and their positions, while still concluding that both these safeguarding ministers guarded their own safety far more assiduously than that of the women they were meant to be helping.

It is all part of the wokist manifesto, in which weakness is reclassified as strength and performative vulnerability is seen as a badge of honour and something to be admired, not pitied.

The truth is ladies, that being an MP is no picnic and it is not for the faint-hearted. You are a public servant chosen by the electorate and your responsibilities are huge. Rule number one? It is not all about you and your needs and wants and hurt feelings and suffering and anger at being laughed at.

It is all about us. It is all about serving your constituents and putting them first, rather than yourself. It is helping to make laws, holding ministers and governments to account, boosting public trust and doing your bit to clear up politics and make the world a better place.

On nearly all these counts, this lot are failing miserably.

So what I am going to do now is send Stella Creasy a big book on ornithology, so she can stop making such a tit of herself.

Have you lost a dodo in doodoo land? Please share!

Adele’s cutting edge!

Adele is one of the all-time top-selling musical artists in the UK - by cutting out the middle men

Pray tell, who are the all-time top-selling musical artists in the UK? A new survey names them as Queen, Abba, The Beatles and – wait for it – Adele.

The 38-year-old from Tottenham is the only solo woman to make the list and her achievements don’t stop there. Her 21 album, released in 2011, is the bestselling album of the 21st century, trumping all the rest of the guys.

Globally, it has sold 31 million copies and is a compelling chronicle of a heartbreak. And yes, Adele was just 21 when she recorded it. She also has three more bestselling albums.

The money, my dears! No wonder she can’t be bothered touring. Instead, Adele will make her acting debut in a film about castrati – Italian male opera singers who were castrated to preserve their high voices – directed by fashion designer Tom Ford.

It seems unlikely, but Adele has always known how to hit the highest notes in life and on stage. You cut out the middle men. Simple.

Justice is all widows like Lissie have

PC Andrew Harper's wife Lissie spoke out after it was revealed his killers may be released early

The widow of PC Andrew Harper has described the possible early release of prisoners as ‘deplorable’, following reports that two of his killers could be freed early.

She is right. And what made it even worse were members of Andy Burnham’s new cabinet gloating and joking about the scheme, which sees prisoners serving a fraction of their sentences to free up spaces.

Lissie Harper said politicians were ‘making decisions from behind a desk that will have real and lasting consequences’ for the families of victims.

She could have added that if police killers are shown clemency, then there is no hope for society.

Prime Minister Andy Burnham said he would review the Sentencing Act policy but, before he does, he must acknowledge that justice is important to bereaved wives such as Lissie. After her husband (pictured above with her) was killed in the line of duty, this fragment of justice is all she has to comfort her.

That’s a Brit rich, Jameela

Jameela Jamil has called the British the evilest people in history. Wait until she finds out about the Nazis. It will blow her tiny mind.

The London-born actress, comedian, activist and all-round nobody was in full foam on a podcast, telling her American hosts that they were mad to think that the Brits were ‘sweet’. Why? ‘Because actually British people are truly the most evil people in history.’

According to the former C4 presenter, we owe India trillions – actually we were still giving this rich nation foreign aid until 2015 – and we brutally ‘colonised the world’. Meanwhile, British rich people are ‘horrible’.

It is so tiresome. This kind of anti-colonialism, white supremacy, empire bashing, anti-patriotism – but who buys it any more?

Anyone sensible knows that we are still a country to be proud of with a history that put more good in the world than bad. Which is more than you can say about Jameela.

Former This Morning presenter Holly Willoughby launched her new YouTube show this week

Holly Willoughby is back with a new YouTube show that focuses on home, family, recipes, flower arranging and fashion.

Dear God. It looks and sounds like With Love, Meghan – but with added flares, if not added flair.

In a trailer, the former This Morning presenter promised items on ‘jumpsuits, make-up, smash burgers and beautiful flower arrangements’. One of her first guests is that chronic Italio-bore Stanley Tucci, serving up his usual signature dish of smug-aroni and cheese. Prego, pass the busta per il vomito.

Food news. The hot weather has resulted in a cucumber shortage in the UK, while a chef in South Korea is facing up to a year in prison after his signature dish of apple and sancho leaf sorbet sprinkled with frozen ants fell foul of food safety violations.

Grasshoppers, locusts and cockroaches are approved for human consumption in Korea but not ants, which can contain ‘up to 55 times more heavy metals’ than other edible insects.

They are the kind of thing you’d expect survivalist Bear Grylls to eat, but he was spotted picking up supplies for his private island in Wales from a Waitrose van that obligingly parked on the beach for him. No foraging or fishing for this softy. I hope his seedless easy peelers and essential hummus were present and correct.