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ON THE BACK research showing a decline in baptisms over the past decade, we wanted to hear from our readers about their experiences of making the choice foe their children.

There was a rapid response to a topic that is never far from the talk of kitchen tables and is often reflected on at this time of year as children perhaps have their first day in school.

Perhaps reflecting the fact that choosing not to baptise a child is still a minority approach, most of the responses we got were from people explaining their decision not to do so.

Responses on both sides ranged from parents who always knew they’d make the decision they did, to those who made a decision after great debate.

Here’s a selection of what you had to say.

Aoife, Dublin

I had my first child in 2017 and at the time it seemed to be the ‘done thing’ to baptise your baby. It was what my family members and friends were doing at the time. I didn’t really think twice about it. Myself and my husband had no real discussion about it. We just went ahead and did it.

Two years later in 2019 I had my second baby. I had the christening booked, but it wasn’t as quickly planned as the last, and it was well past the six-month mark. Covid then arrived we finally had the event with just ourselves and the godparents all wearing masks, when the baby was two years old.

Before my third baby arrived in 2022 I began attending naming ceremonies and non-religious events people were having to welcome their babies into the world.

I was delighted to experience events where there was no religious aspect to the day and it was so enjoyable for all involved. When baby number three arrived, I was reticent about the whole baptism and thought, if I hadn’t done the other two, I don’t think I’d have bothered with this one.

I am not religious, but I suppose count myself as a non-practicing Catholic. Having baptised my children, I do not bring them to mass. I believe the days of doing things for the sake of it are beginning to dwindle.

Kenny, Cork

We baptised our son three years ago, he was welcomed into our local community with open arms.

Since then, members of our congregation have enjoyed watching him grow and look forward to seeing him each week.

His baptism became an opportunity to foster new relationships within our local community. The whole experience has helped us to grow in our own lives too.

Aisling, Dublin

I always assumed that I would baptise my children, whereas my partner had very different views on it. At first, he was largely unsupportive and chose not to attend the ceremony, though he allowed me to proceed with organising it and helped out with the occasion.

When our last baby was born, he attended the ceremony and was pleased that he got involved.

We still debate the decision now and again, and he maintains his scepticism which I fully understand. From my own perspective, I guess there was a mixture of generational family pressure, along with a very slight god-fearing element on my part, which l know is mostly illogical as although I think having faith is a good thing, I’m not practising it myself.

I ultimately decided to baptise our children because I would hope that someday, the Roman Catholic Church will allow its clergy to marry, and with that become more accepting of women becoming church leaders.

If that day comes, then my children can decide themselves if they wish to practise their faith or not. It is quite unlikely that we will proceed with communion and confirmation, as the baptisms were contentious enough!

We are also sending our children to a school that is not under Catholic patronage, so again we will be asking them what they would like to do when the time comes.

Aisling, Sligo

My children are now aged 27, 26 and 22, so the decision not to have them baptised was made way back in 1999.

In rural Ireland of the time this necessitated some discussion, as we were aware that they would be outliers in their very small two-teacher school, and in the wider community. My parents were devoted Catholics, Dad a minister of the Eucharist, both attending Mass on every occasion.

I have no doubt that all three of my children got a home baptism as small babies, their granny and grandad using the font by the front door as soon as my back was turned. I never asked!

Our local primary school never made them feel unwelcome or weird. In post primary, they all struggled with aspects of the teaching, feeling it was oppressive and outdated.

For us there wasn’t any dilemma. My husband was from the UK and hadn’t been brought up within any religion. I had an Irish Catholic upbringing typical of the 1970s. But we were both atheist, and having children baptised for appearance’s sake didn’t sit well with us.

We were happy to revisit this with our children at communion age. None chose to be baptised and now as adults none have developed an affinity with any religion.

Robert, Kilkenny

I’m one of three children born into a traditional Catholic family in 1988. I went through the usual sacraments in primary school but decided that religion was not for me soon after moving on to second level.

I have been a devoted atheist ever since then and, when I met my now wife, I was upfront that religion was not going to be part of my life and she was happy with that.

In the lead up to our son’s birth nearly two years ago, there was never even a question about whether we would get him baptised. Religion is simply not a part of our lives and never will be.

I understand that there may be challenges when it comes to schooling, but we will deal with that when the time comes.

I certainly wasn’t going to pretend to be a Catholic for the “day out” or the baptism photos. I actually think, as an atheist, I potentially have more respect for the church than some by sticking to my beliefs instead of pretending to be religious for a couple of sacraments.

**Úna, Dublin **

Myself and my husband did not baptise our two sons, now 10 and 12.

Both of us are technically lapsed Catholics but would consider ourselves Atheists.

We both felt very strongly about not baptising our kids into a religion that we didn’t believe in, even if it meant the school choice would be limited.

At the time, we did worry about our eldest son getting into local schools (as schools could still discriminate at that time) but luckily as we live in Dublin, there were options.

I had him down for 11 schools of many faiths and non-denominational/Educate Together. He got a place in a very local Educate Together, and both boys have been very happy.

I guess we were also very lucky in that both of our mothers were very supportive of us making our own decisions about our children, so we had no pressure from them to baptise.

Donna, Dublin

My husband and I were united in our view that baptism wouldn’t be something we would be choosing for our kids, now aged seven and 10.

Neither of us are practicing Catholics but both of us are children of the 80s and were ritually baptised like most people our age.

When our first child was born, the baptism barrier was still in place within schools but it was removed before my eldest reached school age.

This was definitely an initial concern but ultimately we couldn’t baptise a child into a faith we didn’t believe in and wouldn’t be practicing with them at home or at mass.

Our families were supportive though I did get comments from others, a personal favourite was that I was setting my son up for failure in life by not having him baptised (as he might not get into a good Catholic school).

Fiona, Tipperary

My husband and myself are not particularly religious but we both agreed to getting our kids christened. I felt strongly about having them blessed.

They are now 23,16 and 11 and we got them all christened at three months. We attend mass intermittently, maybe once a month and at Christmas, Easter and anniversary masses.

I felt, and still feel, it’s important to have a blessing on my children. If I had a child now I would absolutely get them christened.

My brother completely abhors the church and its teachings but got his children christened so they’d get into the local schools. Not a good enough reason in my opinion.

Jeanette

I had my first child 18 years ago, I had said years before if I had a child they wouldn’t be baptised, totally against my family’s wish and stuck to my guns.

I would consider myself pagan. I could never understand why so many people still baptise their children and don’t hold their side of the deal. You’re supposed to teach your child about Catholicism, take them to mass.

It’s just a tradition in Ireland to most people. My daughter was born with special needs, it was again held over me that I should have her baptised, the fear of purgatory I’m guessing.

We had two more kids and again no baptism. I want my children to find their way when it comes to religion. I think it’s a personal journey and I hated that choice was made for me. I talk to my children about all religions, about what I believe in and what other views there are.

Asmin

I come from a Muslim family, although I am not Muslim and attended a Church of Ireland primary and secondary school because the Catholic schools wouldn’t take a mixed race child from a Muslim family in the 90s.

My husband comes from a Catholic family and went to a Catholic school. When I was pregnant with my first in 2010 my mother-in-law asked me straight away if I was going to get the child baptised almost as soon as she found out.

We weighed up two things. The local school and how the baptism would affect our family. The thought of having my child’s soul lost to the fire pits of hell was distressing for my mother-in-law, so I thought it was a small thing I could do for her faith that was no skin off my nose.

It also meant that he could go to the local school which was across the road from our house.

It worked out up until the religion curriculum changed and was more Jesus-centred, causing my Muslim family distress at the way they were being referred to in the textbook.

Amy, Dublin

Myself and my partner chose to have a naming day for our children, I am so proud of the fact that we have done it. It’s a lovely 30-min ceremony all about them, and what it means to have them in the world and it included guide parents.

We celebrate them. We have poems, wishing trees, mixing of sands etc. I truly believe christenings now have no basis in religion; it’s more of a tradition people do.

It’d be interesting to know how often the parents actually attend mass and if that was criteria. I am sure there will be a lot fewer christenings.

Gillen, Meath

My partner would have a deep sense of Catholic belief and their religious faith is very important to them, whereas I do not believe in organised religion whatsoever.

Getting our children christened was a huge area of contention between us both. It was hugely important to my partner, whereas one of my parents was a survivor of horrific institutional abuse and I was brought up with a seething hatred for the Catholic church.

Our children don’t attend a Catholic school so getting them christened was a matter based on faith for my partner that I was very opposed to.

The compromise we were able to reach was to get our children baptised in the Church of Ireland. They were extremely welcoming and seemed genuinely delighted to have new members join their community.

Our children have already started asking questions about doing their communion which will be challenging as that is something they will not be doing, and something that the Church of Ireland doesn’t cater for, but we’ll cross that bridge.

Rob, Cork

My wife and I are both Irish and would have been raised Catholic and received all the sacraments. Although we married in a Catholic ceremony, neither of us by then truly had any faith or belief in any religion.

We made the decision well before our first child came along that we wouldn’t be baptising them or raising them as part of any religion.

I think it might have come as a little bit of a shock to our families but there was no rigorous questioning or pushback, everyone was just delighted with the arrival of our lovely little boy.

Although the numbers of children being christened and subsequently receiving further sacraments appears to have decreased dramatically, I think if the church was strict about only bestowing the sacraments on truly practicing Catholics, i.e. regular attendance at mass, then the decrease would be even greater.

Tony, Dublin

At the time of our eldest child’s (age 16) baptism, we would have been best described as ‘Cultural Catholics’ i.e. did not practice the religion or attend mass, but attended religious ceremonies and fully intended for our children to receive the various sacraments.

We had him baptised and held a really great celebration afterwards for family and close friends.

Shortly before his faith formation was due to begin in first class for the communion the following year, the commission investigating the mother and baby homes released its findings from the excavation at the Tuam site.

Like others, we were deeply sickened and shocked. Shortly afterwards, we took the decision to have no more dealings with the Catholic church, including our son’s participation in holy communion or confirmation.

Following on from our decision, our youngest child (13) was not baptised and had no engagement whatsoever with the church.

With naming ceremonies becoming so popular as an alternative, coupled with the removal of the baptism barrier for school admissions, the drop in the number of children being baptised is not surprising and will likely continue.

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