Nigeria’s capital city, Lagos, resembles a proper madhouse in Damilare Kuku’s 2021 debut book, the short story collection * Nearly All the Men in Lagos Are Mad*. It is hot and populous, and everyone’s hustling for more money or better sex. The men take shortcuts for both and women trip over themselves trying to make sense of this collective madness. Time and again they realise there is no substitute for extreme caution.

A heady romancescape

The 12 stories in the collection describe the experiences of cisgender women in various stages of heterosexual relationships. Women of all age groups and socio-economic classes suffer the madness of their men – but few take it lying down, finding ways to make the most out of their compromised circumstances. The title is catchy and relatable, and women in every city in the world will nod in approval. The men are a diverse set too, from cheating pastors to mama’s boys, from gay men to “alpha” Whites, men who endlessly pursue and those who are emotionally unavailable. Lagos’s heady romancescape often sweeps up unsuspecting women in its unique madness.

In “Cuck-Up”, an out-of-job husband encourages his wife to pursue an affair with a wealthy man. His handouts become a supplementary income for the couple but when the wife finally calls off the affair, the husband refuses to take her back respectfully and treats her like a “leper.” “The Gigolo from Isale Eko” is another story of hustling. A man marries wealthy women for her money. As he’s set to marry for the third time, his friend familiarises a female guest with the groom, who is as astounded by his exploits as the reader.

The third story in the collection, “The Anointed Wife”, was my favourite. A pastor’s wife resolutely rubbishes rumours of her husband sexually abusing a woman and tries to prove his innocence by writing open letters to the parishioners. He is a serial cheater, but his wife believes it’s of no concern to anyone who’s not married to him. Also, is cheating the same as being sexually abusive? A single line from the victim’s testimony makes the answer clear to her.

Sick of dating local men and dealing with their particular brand of madness, a woman decides to date the oyibo (White) men of Lagos. Foreign companies often post their staff in the city, so White men are not really hard to find. After the initial bliss of couplehood, the woman belatedly (but unsurprisingly) realises that all men, at least in Lagos, despite the colour of their skin, are completely mad.

“Òdè–Pus Complex” is for every woman whose partner’s mother is a little too in love with her darling boy. In this story, an otherwise self-assured man is reduced to a sputtering mess in his mother’s presence. He cannot stand up for his girlfriend and, worse still, expects her to be similarly servile to his mother. Can the girlfriend make it out in time? We hope so!

“A Lover’s Vendetta”, “First Times”, and “Side-Lined” are tragicomic stories on cheating men and women trapped in bad relationships. Sometimes you manage to avenge your indignity but most times you don’t – you cannot leave without being deeply scarred.

The funniest story in the collection is “Catfish”. A girl-next-door pretends to be a “baddie” on the internet. She’s only looking for some harmless fun, trying to boost her morale after a recent breakup. However, when sexting with an emerging popstar gets a little too serious, she’ll do anything to get out of actually sleeping with him. To make matters worse, her seemingly friendly roommate is hatching a plot of her own.

‘I will survive’

An online search will tell you that homosexuality is “strictly illegal” in Nigeria, but Kuku’s story, “Beard Gang”, will convince you that it is an utterly common practice. Men who have been married for years secretly indulge in homosexual relationships with much younger men. The jilted wives are grateful that at least there are no bastard children to worry about in this scenario. Expensive gifts, foreign holidays, and blackmail keep them happily married.

“I Knew You” is the only story told from the man’s point of view. He goes into a long-winded tale about his childhood and adolescence to try to make a former lover, who he believes is his soulmate, understand why he cannot marry or commit to her. This, after they already have a child together. Go figure.

The final story, “Independence Day”, left me breathless. A woman finds out that her son goes to school with her rapist’s child and worries about running into him at the school’s cultural programme on Independence Day. She has painstakingly repressed the memories of the assault, but when she sees him again years later, looking perfectly happy with a wife and a son, she decides he has gone too long without being punished. And what better way to make him pay for his crime than to leave him completely exposed in front of everything he holds dear?

In Kuku’s stories, madness is a psycho-social condition largely affecting men who believe they can stride ahead in life if they treat people around them poorly or scheme their ways into wealth and social status. Lagos comes across as a dog-eat-dog world, quite like the metropolises of India, and it seems that a degree of madness is essential to survive this. The men’s ruthless behaviour is shaped by lack as well as the nouveau excess that is suddenly available in the formerly colonised nation. Romantic relationships, to this end, serve no real “purpose.” So it’s no wonder that nearly all the men resort to madness and the women plot and suffer alongside them.

Nearly All the Men in Lagos Are Mad, Damilare Kuku, Swift Press.

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