We’ve all been there. We’ve all done something so incredibly stupid that we wish the Earth were flat so we could walk off the face of it. We’ve all thought to ourselves, I hope nobody saw that, only to turn around and see that yes everybody saw that and oh god now the police are involved and I have to go to the hospital and I sure do hope the Major League Baseball team I work for doesn't spend any time looking into how I got this season-ending injury. It's all so relatable.

On Tuesday, the Giants reported that center fielder Harrison Bader, already out for two months with plantar fasciitis, had aggravated the injury in a “scooter accident” over the weekend. While the team did not elaborate on the alleged mishap, SFist reported that witnesses saw Bader rear-end a fire engine with his scooter, which resulted in the truck's wheel running over his already injured foot. In a statement to SFist, the SFPD confirmed "a vehicle collision involving a scooter," and that "the individual was transported to a local hospital for non-life threatening injuries." Witnesses described seeing Bader drinking at bars across San Francisco the night of the big whoopsie, suggesting that perhaps this was not a sober scootering snafu. One of those bars was Balboa Cafe, where witnesses spotted him leaving right before the collision. The San Francisco Standard confirmed that the collision took place outside a fire station a few doors down from the cafe. They also reported that manager Tony Vitello is not a fan of scooters, which may be why Bader has not been cooperating with the Giants' investigation.

Perhaps the Giants should have known what they signed up for when they acquired Bader. If his 19-game college suspension in 2014 indicates anything, it's that this man loves a scooter, a drink, and the wind whipping through his hair.

The most tragic part of Harrison Bader’s injury is that we may never know just precisely how stupid it was. We may never find out just what sort of Looney Tunes–style hijinks were required for Bader to get run over by a truck he ran into from behind. The reports of the incident do not even specify what type of scooter Bader was riding. One assumes an electric scooter, but that lacks the imagination which has inspired unfathomable baseball injuries for decades. Perhaps Bader was riding a mobility scooter stolen from a nearby nursing home, and crashed as Ethel low-speed chased him down the streets of San Francisco. Perhaps he was riding a child's razor scooter, and got distracted as he closed his eyes and shouted “wheeee” only to find himself zooming into a truck. These are questions which will keep me up at night.

The idiocy is going to be overshadowed by the sheer amount of competition Bader has for Most Embarrassing Thing to Happen to the Giants. From their win-loss record, to the clear internal tensions, to the Pride Night protests, Harrison Bader is a mere C-plot on a cheesy sitcom that deserves to be canceled. It's not even the weirdest recent story about a Giants player obscuring the truth about a vehicular injury.

Regardless of the degree of embarrassment Bader feels or deserves, he has rightfully earned his place in the baseball injury hall of shame. You can find his scooter right in between the tanning bed that Marty Cordova fell asleep in and the glass table that Glenallen Hill fell through while having a nightmare about spiders.