An account of loneliness after moving to London eight years ago struck a chord with Independent readers this week, after new research found one in ten Britons have no close friends at all, with the problem worse among younger adults than any other age group.

But while many readers sympathised, a striking number pushed back against the idea that a lack of close friends is something to fix at all. Some of the strongest reactions insisted solitude isn’t a symptom of a “friendship recession” but a preference people actively choose – a life with fewer entanglements, less small talk, and more room to think.

Others weighed in with practical fixes, from joining walking groups to becoming a regular at the local pub, while several readers argued quality matters more than quantity: a handful of friendships, however sporadic, can outlast decades of silence between calls.

Here’s what you had to say:

Friends felt like an encumbrance, not a comfort

Some people don’t need friends. I have my partner and a couple of adult children. That’s quite enough people in my life. I always found ‘friends’ an encumbrance. My experiences of friends were of needy people. ‘Wanting’ things that you were ill-equipped to deliver. Sometimes ‘demanding’, with added emotional blackmail. People who would invade my thinking space with mindless chatter. I enjoy silence. I enjoy life inside my own head. I was very gregarious as a child. It was expected. Now, I can be a grumpy old git. I suspect I am on the autistic spectrum.

Walking groups were a lifesaver

I joined two walking groups when I became single. They were a lifesaver. Walking in a group means you can chat to a variety of people and move amongst the group seamlessly by adjusting your pace. Often there is a picnic style break or a drink at a pub. Walking and chatting is much easier than sitting with people trying to find a way to connect. I tried Meetup and it didn’t work for me. I now have strong friendships and we look out for each other and socialise outside of walking. There are plenty of different walking groups in London including 10 Inner London Rambler groups, Metropolitan Walkers, Capitol Walkers and Saturday Walkers Club. As a Londoner you can get about easily on public transport. Oh, and don’t be put off by socialising with people older than you. They have more life experience and can be really good fun.

Long gaps don’t end real friendships

The friendship thing is fascinating. I am 62. My best friends are 60-64. There were long periods when we didn’t have any contact. I’m talking 20 years plus. But we were always friends and could call on each other if necessary.

I avoid as many people as possible

I go out of my way to avoid as many people as possible. I go on holiday on my own, I go on days out on my own and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The pub is the best community centre

Sorry to sound like a broken record but, the pub, the best community centre out there. If you’ve got a decent local nearby, go to it regularly, you don’t have to drink alcohol. On your own is okay, take a book, a crossword or a newspaper. If it sells food and you’ve got the money, have your tea there once a week and sit in the beer garden, everyone wants to talk about the weather. If they do darts or pool competitions, get over there and watch them. If they have a leek show, go and view it, go for the auction. Live music? Go.

Regardless, get over there. You’ll get to know the staff and them you, you’ll pass the time of day. As it’s a local a lot of the same people will be going and you’ll get to know them and them you. A smile and a “Hello” will become so much more. If it’s a pub that feels ‘nice’ when you walk into it, stick around. Trust me, it works.

True friends need no contact to stay close

I’m a woman and I left my home country in my late twenties for England but see my ‘old friends’ every year when I visit in the summer and we pick exactly where we left off even though we rarely have any contact in between. It really depends on how much shared life you had at some point and how connected your values are.

Not everyone needs the whole story

I’ve a couple of close friends, but no-one ever gets the whole story and I’m fine with that.

Finding your tribe matters more than being an extrovert

It is tough. I was lucky enough to have forged friendships at university that helped me through my “single in London” years, and forty years later we are all still friends. I’ve also been lucky that many of my friendships were made in work, and in the wider professional world, and when I say world, I do mean friendships around the world, yet I’m an introvert. My experience of orchestrated meet up events is they only work if you are an extrovert. For the rest of us, it often comes down to finding your tribe.

Not liking pubs is a real barrier

I hate to say it but, not liking pubs or having a drink is a real barrier. I bet your work friends spend their Friday evenings in the pub after work, and many other potential friends probably love the social and sociable aspects of London pubs. You’re really missing out on one of the best venues for relaxing and chatting if you don’t like pubs.

Men rarely have real friends

Research has shown that 1.5 to 5 ‘best friends’ is the norm. You call them in an emergency, and spouses and family members are included. Women have far more friends than men, but these are generally sounding boards. It has been shown that men rarely have real friends; they have drinking and football match buddies, but no male confidants. Real friends would lend you money, look after your kids, and make an effort to attend your funeral; the others are acquaintances.

Giving up on close friends isn’t the end of the world

I gave up trying to make ‘close’ friends a long time ago. I am a shy person (hate pubs!) and an introvert and it became very difficult for me to meet people and to make new friends. Instead, after a long consideration, I decided to give up trying and decided to concentrate on myself. I took an early retirement at 54 and started travelling around the world. I just visited my 170th country (Bolivia) and I feel a great accomplishment for having seen the world (as a solo traveller) and having avoided the bitter disappointments that the failures of making friends constantly poisoning my self-confidence and well-being. If you cannot make ‘close’ friends, it is not the end of the world! Look into your inner world and concentrate on yourself and enjoy doing things alone…

Modern socialising feels shallow

“The problem is that I often meet people who say they want more friends but don’t make the effort to build those friendships.” Social life today seems shallow and unappealing to me. Last time I went out socially was several years ago, and yes, everyone was on their phone. Nobody could make an intelligent conversation, and sense of humour? Forget it. Society has now got so used to facile entertainment, it has infected the way we socialise. I like my own company, only myself to please. Though the cat may think otherwise.

Closeness is hard to find, even with people around

People can have friends but it can be hard to find people you can have a close relationship with, as in someone you can talk to about very personal matters. Usually that would be a partner, but not everyone has a partner, or they’ve lost a partner, whether they’ve separated or they’ve died.

Some of the comments have been edited for this article for brevity and clarity.

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