Are you a C or C++ programmer? Are you envious that other languages keep hogging the limelight when it comes to supply chain attacks?

If you answered “yes” to both questions, I bring you revolutionary new technology — remote, on-demand includes in GCC and clang:

To use this exciting functionality, simply download the official remote_includes.tgz package from my website, compile it with ./build.sh, and then start compiling programs with:

…or:

Of course, this technology is protected by military-grade encryption, as signified by the following symbol: 🔒.

Thank you and God bless!

PS. Don’t use this.

PPS. If you do, you will die, and it will hurt the whole time you’re dying.